Obama and some stock tips
March 21st 2009 03:26
These are tough times. If you have money invested in the stock market, your net worth has probably dropped precipitously in the last year or two. We're all looking for a safe place to put our money. After watching Barack Obama over the last couple of months, I've identified some possible investment opportunities for the next four years:
* Teleprompters -- The teleprompter is Obama's security blanket. When he does try to fly solo, he puts his foot in his mouth more often than not. I see lots and lots of teleprompters in his future. Invest in manufacturers and distributors of teleprompters.
* How-to books -- Obama needs help. LOTS of help. I suspect he is already building a substantial library of how-to books (e.g., "Presidentin' 101", "Gift-giving Protocol for Diplomats and Heads Of State").
* Lipstick -- To my knowledge, Obama doesn't wear lipstick. However, the sycophants around him almost certainly do. They kiss up to him more than Ed McMahon did to Johnny Carson. Lipstick is a growth industry. Chapstick, too.
* Mirrors -- Obama is in LOVE with himself. He struts and preens and poses more than any politician in recent history. The only way for him to satiate his desire for seeing the greatness that is Obama is to have mirrors everywhere. He could single-handedly revive the mirror industry.
* Printing presses -- Obama has already been responsible for the printing of a couple of trillion dollars. While printing press companies have been hurt by the decline of the newspaper industry, Obama's penchant for printing money could still make this a buying opportunity.
So there you go. Those are just a few opportunities for you to make your money back in the stock market. If you keep an eye on our fearless leader, he will point you in the right direction. Just look for anything that feeds his ego or agenda and then get on the phone to your broker. You can't miss!
* Teleprompters -- The teleprompter is Obama's security blanket. When he does try to fly solo, he puts his foot in his mouth more often than not. I see lots and lots of teleprompters in his future. Invest in manufacturers and distributors of teleprompters.
* How-to books -- Obama needs help. LOTS of help. I suspect he is already building a substantial library of how-to books (e.g., "Presidentin' 101", "Gift-giving Protocol for Diplomats and Heads Of State").
* Lipstick -- To my knowledge, Obama doesn't wear lipstick. However, the sycophants around him almost certainly do. They kiss up to him more than Ed McMahon did to Johnny Carson. Lipstick is a growth industry. Chapstick, too.
* Mirrors -- Obama is in LOVE with himself. He struts and preens and poses more than any politician in recent history. The only way for him to satiate his desire for seeing the greatness that is Obama is to have mirrors everywhere. He could single-handedly revive the mirror industry.
* Printing presses -- Obama has already been responsible for the printing of a couple of trillion dollars. While printing press companies have been hurt by the decline of the newspaper industry, Obama's penchant for printing money could still make this a buying opportunity.
So there you go. Those are just a few opportunities for you to make your money back in the stock market. If you keep an eye on our fearless leader, he will point you in the right direction. Just look for anything that feeds his ego or agenda and then get on the phone to your broker. You can't miss!
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